Who Is Your Mentor?

Unfortunately, some mentors do not have the same mindset. They act like you have nothing to contribute and that they were better than you.

“You’re not allowed to ask me questions.”

One of my students said this when she was telling me about her experience with one of the mentors she had. As a writing enthusiast, she was interested in taking her writing level up to the top gear but unfortunately, she met a wrong mentor who was only interested in making his money.

Before I dive into this, let me share why I’m telling you this story. Your journey in writing will be full of ups and downs.

Trust me, as a former newbie in writing, I get it. It’s a hard - but rewarding - journey, and you may need handholding at some point.

With this post, I hope you can avoid these 4 mentorship red flags so that you can succeed rather than be disappointed by bad mentors.

Because good mentors should accelerate your growth and push you out of your comfort zone (in a good way). Bad mentors weigh you down and hinder your career growth.

1 Not listening to you.

A bad mentor refuses to listen to their mentee.

Another student of mine once told me how his mentor would say: “I will not repeat myself.” But despite paying rapt attention, he was told again “I should be the one doing the asking, not you.”

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

My student immediately got the impression that he wasn’t allowed to speak - and could only listen to the mentor recounts his life stories.

I immediately get the message. The mentor wanted an audience, not a mentee.

2 Acts Condescending

The people who have related to me in one way or the other, know that I have one thing and that is a growth mindset. I value every conversation because I think there’s something to take away from every conversation, even if I had a terrible experience.

Unfortunately, some mentors do not have the same mindset. They act like you have nothing to contribute and that they were better than you.

If you are in this category, I'm sure this will further contribute to your impression that your role as a mentee is just to sit and listen.

However, mentorship is a two-way street. Your mentor is supposed to learn more about you to better help you and this, is I've been able to get more and more out of my students.

3. Poor communication skills

The most important soft skill anyone should have is Communication.

If your mentor:

⚪Refuses to answer your questions - or even allows you to ask questions.

⚪Never respond to your requests to meet.

⚪Shows zero commitment to your mentor-mentee relationship.

My dear, it is time to find a mentor more well-suited for you.

A friend told me how her mentor also:

⚪Wasn’t interested in her personal and career growth

⚪Didn’t seem prepared to answer her career questions

⚪Was not willing to share details about her career that could help her grow. When she listed this, I wasn't surprised because if you agree with me, many Nigerian coaches are guilty of most of these things. This is why having - and communicating - clear expectations for your mentorship experience is so important.

4. Don't take feedback well.

You'll agree with me that if you are unable to speak with your mentor, you won't feel the vibes and give them feedback to improve.

But you'll notice that after your class or coaching session, they'll come and ask you to leave them a review for their mentorship. Lol.

There was a time I attended a class and I sent a list of my concerns, taking care to write that while this may not be what they wanted to hear, it might help them improve for future mentees.

Guess the mentor’s response?

“I’ve mentored hundreds of people and have never received these complaints.”

Maybe that’s because they were scared of how you’d react, I thought. Seeing how others respond to feedback - especially critical feedback - is something that can be very telling of their character.

If they have a growth mindset and want to improve themselves, they’ll try to learn from the feedback.

Keep this in mind as you find mentors, because, despite the different stages in your careers, you and your mentor should still have mutual respect.

Good morning and have a wonderful day ahead .